A recent dream has me considering the cost of being human…
In the dream…
A breakfast at a pleasant restaurant has just ended. Several friends and acquaintances are in the process of leaving…
I look at “D’s” table—she forgot to tip. She was always so cheap! I tell my friend “W” and we laugh.
Then we go to the counter to settle the bill. I’m surprised at the cost. I have enough room on my credit card—but not by much.
W and I must decide what to do next. My future is a question mark. I realize W should return to her job. I can’t ask her to go with me when I don’t know where I’m going.
I have to tell her. The parting will be sad for both of us.
The man behind the counter gives me a pouch filled with his collection of souvenir coins—mock pennies of various sizes. Jokingly, I ask if I can pay with these.
So much stuff in this dream! I knew it’d be quite a chore to dig into it all. I couldn’t connect a bit of it to my waking life.
In any case, I felt pleased about this positive aspect: I was willing to be decisive in an emotionally difficult situation.
But I wasn’t pleased with this negative: I was hard-pressed to pay for that breakfast.
What was the dream telling me?
A cost had turned out to be more than expected. I felt lacking in resources.
I could put the cost on hold—but only for so long. I’m nearly over my limit.
Now I see a possible connection to my waking life:
Lately, I’ve been telling myself: I don’t want to look back right now. I want to look ahead. Yes, much of much importance has happened in my not-so-distant past. But I can deal with all that later.
Difficult experiences obviously have a psychic cost for us. But according to this dream: so does the fun stuff. Maybe the message is: I must look back on both and try to come to terms with what has happened…
…whether I feel like it or not. Ironically, the recipient of this payment would be me.
I’m not completely sold on this interpretation. Nor should I be—until I delve deeper into the dream…
…and I will. I need to know the truth. I must see what accounts need to be settled and then settle those accounts—because I want to move on.
© 2017, Michael R. Patton
Open All Night: a poetry book